The Book of Purse

The Book of Purse, Chapter 1, Verses 1-7

1:  Thou shalt never find the correct lip gloss the first time thou tryest.

2:  Or the second.

3:  Or the third.

4:  Or the fourth where the fuck is that thing?

5:  No, I don’t fucking want to wearest pink.  I am wearingest red. Red! Why is this so fucking hard?!

6:  Oh, look.  There’s the hair tie I really could have used yesterday.  Thanks a flibbety lot, purse.

7:  UGH FINE I’LL JUST USETH CHAP STICK.  ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, PURSE?  WITH YOUR MYSTERIOUS ENTRAILS AND MEAN ATTITUDE?  HMMMM?  IS THIS WHAT JESUS WOULD DO, BITCH?